From the second I turned 16, I went straight to the DMV, got my drivers license and set up my first job interview. I remember how nervous I was as I set there in the cozy Starbucks that was a few miles from my house, nervous because there was nothing I wanted more than to land my first job and on top of that have my first job be as a Starbucks barista.
I practically lived in Starbucks at the time and it only made sense to start there. I remember the excitement, happiness I felt when i got that call back about how I’d gotten that job. From that point on, I juggled school(high school, cosmetology school, college), being a mom when Anberlin was born, and working. I always knew what it meant to work hard and it really taught me a lot about being an adult and really appreciating the value of a dollar as well as a good idea of how to budget when it came to the whole mom thing.
The idea of being a stay at home mom, never crossed my mind. Maybe because my mom always had a job, she never stayed at home with me, only in the summer and holidays because she was on a school schedule. So I never saw what life as a stay at home mom was like. I was so used to the idea of working weird hours, going to school and being a mom when I was done doing those things and of course any minute in between. I was used to always having a place to be, something to do, and just you know not “being home” all the time.
But rewind to July of 2016, when my husband actually encouraged the idea of me staying home with Anberlin and nurturing my pregnancy so it would go as smooth as possible. At first I was completely against it, but after all I went through with being pregnant(also I couldn’t even imagine how lousy I’d be as a server as the pregnancy went on), our child rarely seeing her parents because we both worked ridiculous hours, I was so appreciative that he would allow me to do what I would learn was the most important job I’d ever have. Being a stay at home mom.
But it took a while for me to see it that way. I felt as though my family, his family, our friends, outsiders looking in would see me as lazy. A burden. A women living off of her husband and his hard earned money. It took a while to get past feeling that way. But there were a few things I had to keep reminding myself and keep in my day to day, so I thought it was a relatable topic and therefore I wanted to share it with you guys.
1.) I am not lazy/a burden: being a stay at home mom is not as easy as it sounds. You DONT get to stay home and sit on the couch, wait for your partner to come home, and eat bon bons all day. it’s nowhere near as easy as some people want to make it seem. Or how some people might want to play it out for others. Unless you’ve done it you might not realize how much a stay at home mother does. I clean everyday, because life with a toddler, a husband, a dog, means that my house’s cleanliness isn’t going to last the 24 hours of the day. Laundry multiplies literally on the daily. Like how did we wear 10 outfits in one day? Who knows but we did. Point is: being a stay at home mom means you’re doing things all day. Important vital things to make sure life in general goes as smoothly, cleanly, and just as pleasant as possible. My job as a stay at home mom has made me realize it’s harder than any other job I’ve had in the past. At the end of the day when I’m tired I realize it’s not because I’m lazy, it’s because I’ve never done thing much before.
2.) i never realized how much I missed out on my child’s life until we spent everyday together. Really though, I see her doing so many new things everyday. Her appearance even changes daily. When my mind was clouded with work, school and everything else I never noticed all the new little changes that were happening with our little girl. I now have privilege to see all her little quirks, all the new inches of hair growing out of her head, all the things she likes and becomes obsessed with. It sounds silly, but I seriously never realized how much I missed while I was gone. This is one thing I’ll always cherish with all my children for as long as I’m able to spend this time with them. I couldn’t thank my husband enough for allowing me to have this.
3.) Your house is not a Pinterest house. You’re not an instagram chef and the food you cook won’t always be picturesque. Stop trying to make everything visually pleasing! This was something I had to come to terms with. The reality is, no matter how many times I clean, cook with Pinterest recipes and try to diy myself into a beautiful home: it’s most likely not going to turn out as appealing as it looked in the Pinterest post. There will always a legit out of place in the middle of the hall. My kale salad will probably be served on a paper plate. The art on my walls will probably just be band posters because the wooden shelving system diy didn’t work out as well as I though. And you know what? That’s ok. It’s all ok. You have to realize life isn’t a Pinterest board. This is real life. Real people live in my house. Real life looks real and lived in, not perfect and color coordinated. That’s a big one I had to realize.
MY top 5 tips for staying sane while being a SAHM:
- Go out! The words stay at home might be in the job title but you don’t need to stay at home 24/7. You’d go nuts! personally I like to window shop, take a trip to target you don’t need to buy anything and it’s always a fun outing. Go to the park with the kids and the pets(if you have some). My daughter loves the park and I’m learning to love it too. Just get out and do something fun for all of you guys.
- Do some arts and crafts! Not everyone feels they’re crafty, but you don’t need to be: just have fun with it. Kids love doing crafts that’s something I learned, and I also learned despite my love for painting sometimes crafting can be just as fun as painting so matter how trivial the craft my seem.
- Don’t try to make a daily routine. I tried. I nearly lost my mind. Routines are great, but sometimes they’re overwhelming and you get down on yourself if you don’t accomplish the tasks you set out to do on that day at that exact time. We’re human. Sometimes routines work and other times they don’t. Don’t stress. Finish it when you can.
- Some days it’s okay to take a day off. Especially if you’ve been wrangling a toddler who has energy for days and your 5 months pregnant without a decent nights sleep in weeks because the other baby likes to practice karate in your stomach from midnight to 6 am.point being: one day of the week of just relaxing and hanging out with the kids not worrying about house work is ok. You’ll be fine.
- And lastly: just stay positive. Sometimes being a stay at home mom gives you a lot of time to yourself to think. Think negatively. And that can cause major stress and just overall bad feelings for everyone. Stay positive mom! You got this. You’re doing an awesome job!